"As I Have Loved You"

Life has a funny way of happening all at once. To me, at least, it has seemed like I've been hit by a train of responsibilities, or at least things that seem urgent to focus on. In trying to decide where I needed to turn for priorities, I have often turned to prayer. Being human, it's really hard to see the full picture of what is happening in life and where it could lead. I can't see the future, nor do I have a perfect knowledge of where different choices could potentially go. 

In searching for guidance, I received clear answers that by focusing on my faith and relationship with my Savior and Heavenly Parents I would be able to see where I should go and what I should do. At times this has caused some stress: I am a full-time student, and sometimes choosing to focus on things that aren't just school-related all the time seems very dangerous. However, I don't take spiritual counsel lightly, so I have made efforts in the last couple of months to really focus on understanding the Gospel and being open with my Heavenly Father. I couldn't even begin to list the experiences I have had that have strengthened my testimony and conviction, but I do have some takeaways from the year so far that I would like to share.

The first great commandment is to love the Lord. This is sometimes hard for me to conceptualize, because He is not physically on this Earth with me. How can I show someone I do not see that I love them? The "easy," or perhaps basic, answer is to keep the commandments and covenants I have made. In order to better focus on my love of God, I have studied and reflected on the covenants I have made throughout my life, in order to be more aware of them. It's often easier for me to focus on the covenants made in the temple endowment ceremony of my faith, because any time I participate in those ordinances, I am reminded specifically of what they are. However, the covenants I made when I was baptized at 8 years old are just as important. In fact, keeping those covenants are the first step to making any others, and continuing to live those promises is essential to living any other covenants I have made with my Father in Heaven.

One of those first promises I made to God was to "mourn with those who mourn...to comfort those who stand in need of comfort." Because I loved my Heavenly Father, I promised to be there for those who felt lonely, who were hurting, who needed a friend to stand by them and tell them they were loved.

The best way I can show love for God is often to mourn with my fellow man when they are suffering. I cannot take the hurt they are feeling away, I can't even feel that pain for them: Jesus Christ is the only one who can truly understand the sorrow that anyone feels. What I can do is say "I'll walk with you, I'll talk with you/That's how I show my love for you." 

In working to turn closer to my faith, I have opened my heart to others. This often means letting people talk to me about the pain they feel. Sometimes it means putting my own feelings aside for the moment and letting someone else's hurt be the focus of a conversation. Often, it means leaving my own opinions and thoughts out. Mourning with those who mourn isn't listening for the sake of giving advice, it isn't sitting by with glue to fix the broken pieces: I don't have that power. It isn't telling someone to "Move on" because I can't comprehend what they are feeling. 

Mourning with those who mourn is not conditional upon if they are struggling with something I understand. I promised to mourn with those who mourn, full stop. 

I personally do not believe it is within my ability to determine if someone deserves my comfort, unless they have personally hurt me. If someone is hurting, if someone needs support, it is my job to be whatever kind of support they need, so long as I do not sacrifice my own health for their sake. 

I don't know if you've noticed, but the world has become a very painful place. There is no "easy" way to live. The best thing we can do to making a difference in this world is to not cause unnecessary heartbreak, to work to fill in the cracks others may have. The best thing we can do is reach out in love, to allow others the rights we want ourselves. 

If I deserve to be happy, and to pursue happiness in the way that suits me best, why does anyone else deserve less? What right do I have to tell them to be different than they are if how they are doesn't harm me? Different is not inherently, or usually, dangerous. If someone is not taking away my right to choose, I should grant them the same courtesy. 

I cannot choose for someone else what hurts them. I cannot choose how long it hurts them, and it is not place to decide how long it is appropriate for someone to hurt. What I can choose is how I respond to people hurting. I can choose to love them, to be a shoulder to cry on or lean upon. I can talk with them, I can walk with them, I can be a voice to people who do not have one--because the best thing I can do when I am in a position where I have more of a say than others is to use my privilege to help them gain equal footing. I can choose to act as my Savior would, He who would listen to others sorrows and extend to them His infinite love, regardless of if others thought they deserved it. I can mourn. 

And I intend to do so.